Hello, I'm Bonnie. I'm not as young as I used to be, or as thin as I used to be, or as smart as I used to be - but I'm pretty much happy with myself. I am recently retired and have had lots of time to reflect on my world in particular and the world in general and I'm a little confused about what I see. I'm old enough to be able to say "Things aren't the way they used to be!" I guess they shouldn't be the way they used to be but ideally they should be better. I'd like to use this space to reflect on what I see that is odd, confusing or just plain wrong.
I watch a fair bit of daytime TV and it is fascinating to see all the man hating that is going on. If someone says I just got divorced, everyone cheers and says "Way to go girl!" As a long divorced person, I don't understand that reaction. Divorce is sometimes necessary but it is always destructive and painful to all concerned - especially the children. I don't think it is something to celebrate.
Every talk show seems to vilify men for everything. Women are seen as the victims of everything. I don't personally understand that. For the most part, you can only be a victim if you let yourself be one.
My marriage wasn't perfect and some regretful stuff went on but when it got to the part that it was destructive, I called it off. I shared a lawyer with my husband to cut costs and we worked out what each would take away from the marriage and the amount of child support that would be required to give our three children a decent life. Visitation was spelled out in our agreement but my ex had complete access to the kids whenever he was able to see them. He is their father and keeping him away would be destructive to them so that was never an option for me. The fact that he didn't choose to use much visitation is another story.
Now women, the courts, the police and children's services seem intent on keeping dads away from their kids at all costs. Dad has become a monster who must be avoided. None of these people are giving much consideration to the fact that a missing dad has a devastating effect on children and that they will be damaged throughout their whole life.
When a father harms or kills his kids, he is seen to be a monster but when a mother does the same then surely she must be ill. Why is it that nobody ever considers that the father may be ill. Near where I live, a mother recently murdered her two children. The Father had been going through the courts to get visitation or custody as the mother was not seen as responsible. When she killed her children, a neighbour was quoted as saying, "That poor woman needs a hug."
I don't think I have ever heard anyone say that about a man who does something that vile.
Men are now not seen to be necessary for anything at all. In almost every TV commercial, dad is either missing or stupid. Home Depot ran a full series of commercials that featured only women and kids and the basic message was "Who needs him." In other commercials, dad is a squealing ninny who is freaked out be a frog or he is being out-thought be a clever child. Very seldom do we see an intelligent, caring father.
I plan to run a series of commercial critiques - not that anyone cares what I think - but I think it would be fun to do it. Stay tuned